


sympathy

by arlathans



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cuddling & Snuggling, F/F, Mental Health Issues, Varric Sits At The End Of The Bed And Does Fuck All, cassandra is great and i love her, hawke is basically me lol, hawke's nonbinary but uses she/her pronouns, i guess?, sleeping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-16
Updated: 2016-11-16
Packaged: 2018-08-31 08:52:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8572129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arlathans/pseuds/arlathans
Summary: Hawke can't get out of bed.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is a completely shameless self-insert that i wrote as kind of a vent piece ages ago and now that i read it later i kind of liked it so here we fuckin go

She can’t get out of bed.

 

 _What a joke_ , Hawke thinks to herself, and buries her face into the pillow. _The great fucking Champion of Kirkwall doesn’t want to get out of bed. Good fucking job, me._

She thanks the Maker Varric didn’t write anything about her mental state in his book. It’s hard enough to deal with without the public knowing, she can’t even imagine the ridicule she would face if everyone knew.

 

Someone knocks on her door. Probably Orana.

“Come in”, she calls into the pillow, not bothering to sit up or even roll over on her back.

The door opens with a creak, and Orana steps in - except that Orana’s step is lighter, and Hawke isn’t at home, she’s at Skyhold. Cursing mentally, she sits up, coming face to face with Seeker Pentaghast herself. Cassandra stares at her, confused, blushing when she realises Hawke isn’t wearing clothes. Hawke blushes too, pulling the blanket she’s clutching closer to her.

“Seeker”, she says, at the same time as Cassandra, who starts with an apologetic “I didn’t mean to-”.

They both fall silent for a moment, before Hawke opens her mouth to try again.

“Cassandra.”

The Seeker fidgets, embarrassed, as she speaks.

“Hawke. My apologies.. I had expected you to be up.” She’s still blushing.

“Yes, I… don’t doubt that. What did you want?”

Cassandra looks up, locking her amber eyes with Hawke’s green ones.

“I-- it can wait. Can I… Why are you still…”

Hawke groans mentally, and flops back into the bed, curling up under the blanket.

“... Don’t want to talk about it. No offense.”

She hears footsteps, and feels the mattress dip when Cassandra sits down on the edge of it.

“I mean it, Seeker. Please… leave me alone.”

She doesn’t want to cry in front of anyone else, even someone she loves. The last time she did so filled her with so much anxiety she felt her chest was going to cave in, or like she was wearing a binder five sizes too small, even though she was surrounded by people important to her. And besides, she doesn’t even know if Cassandra likes her. _Keep it professional, Hawke_ , she tells herself. _Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry-_

 

And then Cassandra gently places her hand on Hawke’s back, and she knows she can feel her ragged breaths, no matter how quiet she tries to keep them. She closes her eyes, squeezing them shut, as if she could keep the tears within them by willpower alone.

 

“Hawke”, comes Cassandra’s quiet voice, gentler than usually, worried. “Listen to me. I am… not good at this, but… let me try to help.”

“You can’t”, Hawke sniffles into her pillow. “Don’t need help.”

 

Cassandra sighs, exasperated, and grips Hawke’s shoulder, rolling her over to face her. Her expression is gentle, worried with a hint of annoyance, eyebrows knit together.

“It’s obvious you’re not fine. What’s wrong?”

 

Hawke can’t help it anymore. She cries, tears silently rolling down her cheeks. Cassandra’s eyes widen a fraction, she’s never seen Hawke cry, of course she hasn’t - but she recovers quickly, gripping the other and pulling her into her arms. Hawke sobs her eyes out into Cassandra’s shirt, and it feels surprisingly nice. She can’t remember the last time someone held her like this. It was probably years ago, when she was a child.

 

Eventually Hawke calms down, wipes her tears, and detaches herself from Cassandra’s gentle but firm grip. She reaches under her pillow and pulls out a grey t-shirt; the faded print at the front used to say something about mage rights. She smiles weakly at the Seeker.

“Better now?” Cassandra asks, not unkindly. Hawke nods, closes her eyes, takes a deep breath.

“I’m depressed”, she blurts out. “Well… not only depressed, but I guess that’s the main…”

Her eyes are closed, so she doesn’t see Cassandra’s reaction, but she can well imagine it - shock, disgust, perhaps contempt, because who wants to be associated with a mentally ill person? No, who would want to _love_ a mentally ill person? There’s no hope for her now--

“What else?”

Hawke opens her eyes. Cassandra looks at her calmly. _You’re not disgusted?_ Hawke wants to ask, but doesn’t.

“What-- what else?”

“What else do you have? You said depression wasn’t the only one”, Cassandra asks, and as an afterthought adds, “If you don’t mind me asking, of course.”

“Uh”, Hawke stammers. “Well - avoidant personality, ADD, post-traumatic stress disorder - no wonder after what happened, is it? - and, and anxiety.” She remembers gripping Isabela’s hand, knuckles white, as the doctor listed her problems.

Cassandra nods. Hawke feels the familiar tug of anxiety as her throat suddenly feels dry and tight. She can breathe without problems, but it isn’t exactly a comfortable feeling.

“Cassandra”, she starts, and closes her mouth. What can she even say? She wants to ask her, wants to tell her a million things at once, and she can barely keep track of them all.

“Hawke”, the Seeker replies, looking at her expectantly. _Why aren’t you disgusted? Why aren’t you running away?_ Hawke wants to scream, but doesn’t. She wets her lips, tries again.

“Cassandra, I-- can I ask you something?”

“Of course”, she replies, nodding. Hawke reaches for her hand, intertwining their fingers. Cassandra gives her hand a gentle squeeze. Supporting her.

“I realise Varric may have… exaggerated… some things”, she starts. “But I… I think you’re a remarkable woman, Seeker.. and… I… I may or may not have a crush on you”, she blurts out.

Cassandra stares at her, eyes wide, cheeks slowly reddening. _Maker, she’s gorgeous_ , Hawke thinks. But she can’t read anything but shock from the other’s expression, she doesn’t know what the other emotions visible are, and she blushes herself, turning her gaze away.

“I’m sorry”, she starts, but Cassandra interrupts her by lifting her free hand to her cheek, and kissing her.

Hawke freezes for a moment as her brain is trying to process everything, before she kisses her back, lowering her free hand on Cass’ waist.

 

It feels like eternity, but it’s only a few moments before they break apart, both somewhat breathless.

“Hawke”, Cassandra says. “That’s… what you said… that’s exactly how I feel about you.”

“Really?” she asks, incredulous. No fucking way Cassandra would like a loser like her, especially considering what she just learned. But the Seeker simply nods, and leans in to plant a kiss between Hawke’s eyebrows.

“Really.”

Hawke smiles. “Lie down with me for a moment?”

Cassandra nods and lets herself be pulled down. She settles next to Hawke, holding her close and planting another kiss on the corner of her mouth. Hawke wraps her arm around her and smiles.

 

It’s not long before they’re both asleep.

 

Ah, well. Saving the world is tiring work.

 

Hawke wakes up to an extra weight at the end of the bed.

“The f--  Varric!”

The dwarf laughs as he hops off the bed and retreats towards the door. Cassandra wakes up to the noise.

“What--?” she asks, then sees Varric, and groans, exasperated.

“Never thought I’d see this”, the dwarf chuckles, winking at Hawke, who flips him off with a grin and a wink of her own. Cassandra makes a disgusted noise as Varric closes the door, leaving the two alone.

**Author's Note:**

> it ends kind of weird but i dont feel like continuing im sorry


End file.
